What is the intention behind this communication?

Communication problems are some of the top issues that we PLG corporate coaches are asked by business leaders to address. It's understandable, because there are so many variables involved - timing, location, who's involved, interference, etc. Today we'd like to talk about intention, and narrow it down to a specific situation for which you are planning. What do you want to accomplish?

Note that we slipped in an assumption that you are planning. This often doesn't happen, and that's often desirable. You can be spontaneous in a conversation, and in a casual situation let the rabbit trails lead you to wherever they take you. These free-flowing interactions help to build the relationships that enable the team to accomplish more serious things later - you need not avoid them. Water coolers and coffee pots serve as important catalysts for the informal communication network in your business.

Now let's say that you have a one-on-one issue to resolve, something that is important enough that you want to make sure that the interaction achieves a particular result. You expect that there may be negative emotions triggered by information you will be sharing. So there are two parts to the communication: the message itself and the handling of the emotional luggage that might accompany it. It's important to be clear up front about your intentions for the interaction. Is your desired outcome to:

• Make the person aware of a problem and work together to resolve it - then and there?
• Reassure the person that although they made a mistake here, you have confidence in their abilities and their contributions to the team?
• Notify the other person that there has been a repetitive performance issue, and that it is non-negotiable that it be corrected? (meaning that their emotional reaction is less important than the needed improvement) You might even be at the point where your intention is to help them think about pursuing a career elsewhere!

Imagine how your selection of time and place would change, depending upon which intention you would choose in this example. 

Remember that you are only one half of the communication transaction. Regardless of your intention going in, the the other person's reaction has the potential to take you off course from that. Keep the bigger picture of the desired outcome in mind so you can return to the overall intended message.

Telling someone off is not communication. Sending an email is not communication. They are both flawed in that they are one-way. The communication process is not complete until feedback from the other party lets you know that the message has been received and there is understanding. You see further evidence of understanding when you observe behavior change.