The importance of rules of engagement

At ProActive Leadership Group we spend a lot of our time facilitating teams in planning sessions, workshops, and other events. When you are responsible for overseeing a conversation (rather than downloading information), the rules of engagement can make the difference between a productive, energizing interaction and a conference room hockey fight. Moreover, if it doesn't go well today, tomorrow can also be affected. Bad precedent can create long-lasting interpersonal obstacles that slow down decision making, silence crucial communication between departments, and simply screw up productivity.

You might assume that common sense and behavioral norms will carry the day. Stressful work conditions and crisis situations can raise the temperature of the group to start with, leaving little room before emotions get explosive. And with the increasing diversity in the workplace (and here we're talking generational, educational, experiential - not only gender, race, and ethnicity, etc.), it's risky to assume that you know what's common and what's normal. Better to define "common" for this situation right now so every person involved is operating under the same assumptions.

Here are some examples for rules of engagement:

• Leave your title at the door. We all have equal say here.
• Keep it classy. Every time you use a vulgarity or profanity you have to deposit a buck in the swear jar.
• Describe situations - no personal attacks.
• Be specific.
• Challenge your assumptions.
• Full attention. No cell phones, emails, or interruptions while in session.
• We start on time and end on time. 

The rules of engagement set the tone. If you're in charge of the session you can make a start, but it is powerful to have the team help to create the list. If you want to up the ante, include  penalty flags or some other device that enables one team member to call another on a violation if it occurs. This can add an element of fun to the session, and it maintains accountability for behavior where it belongs - with the team.

Let's not miss mentioning Core Values here - because they are the macro rules of engagement your company uses to guide behavior, both inside its walls and outside with the market. The distinguishing characteristic of truly core values is that they are non-negotiable. There is no fun penalty flag - you are willing to fire someone or take a financial hit in order to be true to them.

The dynamics inside your meetings are microcosms of your company culture. When you stand back and observe, what are they telling you about your company's health?