Recognizing that you are being "That Boss"

Nobody wants to be known as the boss who shuts people down. "That Boss" limits the information coming in from the team, and the company ultimately suffers. The problem is that sometimes it is hard to recognize that you are being that boss. Until one day you are faced with a situation and the realization smacks you in the face. Ugh. Take heart - you're not alone. Not by a long shot.

We have good intentions, right? So how is it that we feel so misunderstood? And how is it that people are holding back and sanitizing info for our protection instead of telling us what's really going on? Our companies are our babies, and we would do almost anything to see them thrive. But we can't fix things when we don't see first hand what needs to be fixed.

Intentions versus actions - ours and theirs

Feeling annoyed, frustrated with your team because of data censoring or irrational behavior?   Puzzled about what's driving it? There's a perception challenge here: we judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their actions. Unless our team member tells us, we don't know the thought process behind whatever they just did. Sometimes all we know is that the situation just blew up, it cost us money, or it wasted time and resources. Sometimes the blowing up is so bad that the mistake is all we can think about. We forget about the person in our upset, frustration, and anger about the thing that went wrong.

What do you do when someone screws up?

If you truly want to benefit from all of the IQ in your business you need to find a way to set aside your personal reaction to what happened and instead help the team and the business learn from what happened.  This is one of those moments when the whole organization is watching for your reaction or response, especially if the boo-boo is a BIG ONE. 

 This might be hard to remember when your temper is aroused, but just like nobody wants to be "That Boss", nobody on your team comes to work intending to muck up the works. If in times of screw-ups you were to operate from that assumption rather than focusing on finding the culprit, how would you respond differently? How do you anticipate that it would change your relationship with your team?

Biases - acknowledged and unacknowledged

People jump to conclusions based on generalizations, assumptions and prior experience. Generalizations are important learnings that, when transferred from one situation to another, save us time that we would otherwise have to invest in relearning. BUT if we cannot suspend judgement and generalization, we find ourselves behaving like "That Boss". Instead of gathering information before drawing conclusions, we leap ahead based upon voices in our heads saying things like:

• This person isn't educated, so they probably don't know
• They are too young to have a background in this
• They are too old to understand new technology
• They are female,  so they are going to get all emotional. I hope they won't cry.
• This Ivy-leaguer thinks he knows everything
• People born there tend toward laziness
• Sloppy clothes, sloppy work habits
• Or any number of other preconceptions you might hold

The connection between biases and behavior

Biases are preferences toward or against things. You might think that biases are not problems unless and until you act on them. The challenge is that you won't always know that you are acting on them until you look back on the action. And your habituated preferences can lead you to give one team member more leeway or less, more positive feedback or more criticism, more inclusion in the informal network or less, without being even being aware of it. This creates cultural trouble, and in the worst cases, even legal trouble.

Biases are habits of thought, and like other habits, you engage in them all day long without realizing.  Biases are reflected in your language (yes, words matter,) in your eye contact, in your attentiveness (or lack thereof) to what individuals are saying, and more. As habits of thought, biases influence a lot of your daily behavior.

The good news

The good news is that every interaction is an opportunity to build and improve your relationship with another person. Like any habit, awareness of "that boss" behaviors is the first step. 

The other good news is that when you are transparent with your team about the behaviors you are trying to overcome, they will help you. Being willing to be vulnerable as their leader helps to build their trust in you. When they can see that everyone (including you) has more learning to do, they are opened up to their own learning. Everybody wins.

There are tools that coaches like our team at ProActive Leadership Group use to help leaders identify diminishing behaviors that are costing companies productivity and engagement. There are also methods we can bring to you to help you access the full contribution of your team members. Reach out if you'd like to have a conversation with one of our coaches.