How are you showing up?

How are you showing up? As you're walking into the office (or booting up your computer for the workday), what's in your head about who you are and what your role is? What are your assumptions about the expectations of you in the day ahead, and what are your expectations of others for whom you are responsible? 

Showing up is about more than being physically present. It's about being actively engaged, about taking notice with your eyes and ears, then taking action based upon what you are observing. The framework of your habits of thought (your attitudes and assumptions) influences the manner in which you sort the information coming in. 

Events are neutral - you are probably not

Here's an example from a LOONG time ago to illustrate what happens: I have magic dust and I sprinkle it virtually over you as you're reading this post. POOF! You are now PREGNANT!

Aside from the fact that I can't really accomplish this, what first goes through your mind?

• "I'm so excited! I've been longing for this day!"
• "Oh my word - I am far too old to be doing this now!"
• "Call the National Enquirer and The Today Show - this has never happened to someone of my gender before!"
• "My partner will be upset and suspicious because Covid 19 knocked all of the libido out of our relationship months ago!"

This circumstance of pregnancy happens to people around the world every day. It's a neutral event Snow happens in the world every day in one location or another. Mistakes, victories, technical and interpersonal breakdowns happen every day. The difference in their impacts lies partly in how you 

interpret them. Interpretation is often done instantly, by habit.

The good news (and the bad news) about habits of thought is that they can be changed. The good news is that you can choose a more positive and productive way to show up, one that takes information in with a mindset toward influencing a beneficial outcome. The bad news - or perhaps better stated as the challenge - is that behavioral habits and thought patterns that are firmly established are hard to overcome. They cause you to respond to stimulus without passing first through your conscious mind.

Changing how you show up

Success in changing the way you show up starts with a commitment to do so, then mindfulness about your role and your expectations for yourself. If your situation involves loved ones and how you show up at home, you might want to have a conversation about what they expect from you and vice versa. At work, if you are updating job scorecards you can define this, or have a conversation with your coach (that's us), mentor or confidante.

Next, it's helpful to engage an internal pause button that you press and hold until you have consciously decided how you want to respond to an event, a comment, or other stimulus. Responding is different from reacting in that it is on purpose. Unless you are in a life and death crisis situation, it's OK to slow down and make a more intentional choice. That said, perhaps if it's a matter of life and death there's more rather than less reason to take your time and choose wisely.

Last, it's a matter of practice if you have decided that you want to show up differently. You won't get it right all of the time. It might not feel comfortable at first. But keep at it, because the crazy, the unpredictable, and the upsetting aren't going away any time soon. You will just become better at managing all of it.